(Radio Iowa) – There’s a Christmas carol that says this is “the most wonderful time of the year,” but for Iowans who’ve lost a loved one in the past several months, or during the holidays in a previous year, this can be a very difficult few weeks. Catherine Pelletier, bereavement director with the Gundersen Health System, says it’s important to remember those who are no longer with us.

“When I talk to my families about grief and the holidays,” Pelletier says, “the thing that I hear most is, ‘Well, we used to do this with this person,’ or if it’s the loss of an infant, ‘I really wanted to do this with my child,’ so it’s a loss of tradition during the holidays.” People will often grieve losses during the holidays more than at any other time of the year, so Pelletier says it can be helpful to create new memories as a means to heal.

“Something that we talk a lot about is how to include our grief in traditions,” Pelletier says. “So a lot of families will have ornaments that they put up on a tree, or they’ll put a picture of the person they lost at the holiday table and kind of include them however possible in those memories that they’re creating now.” If you know someone who’s suffered a loss and is hurting, she says it may be better to address it directly rather than to avoid the subject.

“Sometimes, as friends or family of someone with a loss, we don’t want to touch on it. We think that if we stay away from it, we’re helping, but a lot of times, that makes the people who lost someone feel like you don’t remember or you don’t want to acknowledge it,” Pelletier says. “So we really encourage friends and family to say the person’s name. If you have memories with them from the holidays, sharing those memories with them.”

She says they should also be given the opportunity to rekindle traditions from the past or to create new traditions that honor those who were lost.

The Gundersen Health System includes a hospital in West Union, and clinics in Fayette, Decorah, Waukon, Lansing, Postville and Calmar.